French Bulldogs~ our dog in the near future.

Deepness can no longer reach out.

I wonder where all that deepness in me has gone. It is like I don’t know how to write those thoughtful and deep entries anymore. I guess my thoughts are too messy to write down. Can’t deny I miss those entries. Back in 2009, was it? That’s right…
I’ll go and think about deep stuff now, try to sort things out in there *pokes head* Goodnight.

Running out of money, thanks to our craziness.

AHHH bakabakabakabaka—!!!!!!! Sometimes there’s absolutely no limits to ones stupidity!Yesterday evening I got an email from TravelStay that confirmed our cancellation at Northumbrian Hotel, so we went like “what the heck!?”. When we were about to email them back Younii noticed that we had been booking the last night in JUNE – not July. Let’s talk about stupid!!! Luckily we hadn’t finished the email, LOL.
We have booked another hotel now, also located at Kings Cross. So it’s all good~!!!

Ooooh and my money on my credit card is running out. I have no idea how I’m going to survive this summer! Bwahaha! Hopefully my dad can transfer some money soon. I have been the one in charge for EVERYTHING this summer. All of our crazy sprees. I’ve paid the tickets for everyone (except Mimmi) for both London and Stockholm, I’ve paid flight for both Younii and I, I’ve paid both hotels for the 2 of us…. oh my God what more will come?

I bless myself for saving money for 6 months ahead. Good job, girl! Don’t you worry, Z will take care of everything, LOL.

Just because this picture is awesome, bwahaha!

.

It’s exactly 4 weeks left to the first concert in LONDON, people!!!

Another love entry, silly silly me!

You think it might get better once you’ve fallen asleep. The emotions and thoughts can be at rest for a while, but HECK NO.

It’s dream time~~~!! Fuck it. . .

I didn’t realise dreams could be so utterly painful. The joy you feel while in the dreams are nothing compared to the pain you feel once you wake up. It’s like a living Hell. As a result of it – I’ve been extremely annoyed and short tempered today. Everything in “the Real world” is bothering me. The people, the feelings! Everything. I felt like, even if we can’t meet when we’re awake … let me at least be with you in my dreams. I just feel like sleeping all the time.

I’ve kept myself from falling in love with him for 6 years. “Don’t you dare fall in love with him!” I told myself that…

I fucking miss your skin, your smile, your scent, your voice…
Please let me come back to you tonight………

heartbroken child… heartbroken adult…?

Why do I have to be this madly in love with you, when all it’s going to cause me is pain…?
Why does love make me long for someone I can’t have…? Or can I some day…?
I hate that it’s making me feel like this. So… naive!

If I only got a chance to meet you, look into your eyes, feel your hand touch mine… at least then I could tell if I’m just a child with too wild dreams, or if it could reach you too.

I don’t want my heart to be broken. I love you…..

Pain, go home~!! This is myyy head…!!

Hello there. Happy Midsummer everyone! Having a nice time?
Mine could be better…
I had some kind of migraine attack yesterday night.
I’ve never been in so much pain, even now, my head is pounding.
You all know I suffer from dizziness, but I haven’t had it in a long time.
Mum said I might have developed migraine? I don’t know.

I had to lie in the tub for ages, and the ache lingered on like glue.
Younii got my sunglasses for me and a bandeau for my head. It was horrible!
But I sure looked funny!!

Today, well… it hasn’t stopped hurting. But the pain is slightly different.
More like in the back of my head instead of between my eyebrows.
Painkillers still doesn’t help though, ahahaha~

We’ll see how it turns out. I will lie down and read for a while now.
Oh and by the way we’re at the summer house now, celebrating Midsummer. LOL.

Such weather, such weather. What can you do?

Oh my my my, such weather we have here in Sweden. It’s been raining for a week and heavy grey clouds basically every day now. Tomorrow’s midsummer.

Yesterdays meetings went great. Finally it’s decided. I can’t tell you more, but you will see in time what it is. December 19th~ I long for thee~!

It’s amazing how grey it can be…

Here it is~~~ I made it. Hope you like it.

Feel free to use it as you like, save it, or just leave it, but please listen to it at least once, kay? And I have to beg you to turn the volume up because you can’t here the music very well and it makes…well it makes me sound better if the music is louder, ahaha. Well then, enjoy!

Tell me what you think in the comments. It’s up on youtube as you can see so if you want follow this video to my youtube channel Draculawow, and listen to my other recordings. Those are old but it can be fun to hear the difference, right? If there are any!!!

music

Guess who’s been good today…!? I haaaaaaave~~!! LOL. Practically got forced to sing, ended up doing it for almost 2 hours. Awesome! Recorded a short piece which came out pretty good, I want to let you all hear it, but my iPhone is a naughty phone and wont cooperate with me. Files and stuff are hard to convert from an iPhone into any other format… unfortunately. But I’ll see if I can find a solution to it now. Gonna search on google.

I feel so good about myself right now, feel really awesome.

If you don’t keep it up, this will happen

Because I haven’t been singing for quite some time, practically not at all, my throat muscles are now aching terribly! LOL. I know that’s maybe not a good sign but to tell the truth I think it’s good. I know I wasn’t doing it the wrong way, my muscles are just programmed that way: trying to kill me whenever they get the chance LOL!

Summer vacation is great. I must enjoy it to the fullest now since there are not many summers left when I’m off from school. Later on I have to work. So summer’s great… but it makes me lose valuable singing-time. Because my schedule allowed me to spend my mornings alone for at least 1 hour every day, I used it to practise singing. Now when I have someone with me – Younii, I don’t get the opportunity.

It’s bad, I lose a lot of my voice during summer. It really noticeable when I finally sing, like this now, my muscles are starting to ache by the slightest of effort. But all I can do it so continue singing as much as possible, make time, to become as good as possible. I wonder how it will turn out when I start having the same time schedule as Younii. Hmmmm. Being a shy hairless monkey isn't a benefit, LOL!  I wonder if I can make time for some singing now……. EDIT: no, I couldn’t.

The perfect day in this peaceful place

After a rather turbulent evening last night, the morning light brought peaceful feelings. The rain smattering against the metal roof. Birds singing with joyful voices. It is a wonderful way to wake up like this. The air smells of wet nature, shining raindrops falling down from the leaves. If the sun would be present, it would make the landscape look like it was all made of crystals. 

It is not particularly cold, nor warm, it has just got the refreshing temperature that makes me want to sit outside with a blanket wrapped around my body. Feeling the cool air fill my lungs with life… Today is a low paced day. It’s the perfect day to just spend your time however you like. Read a book, drink some tea, take a stroll around the area, sleep for a while and let the body decide when to wake up, lie close to the person you love and be sinfully intimate. It is a perfect day.

I love living right now, there’s no feelings of anger, sadness or loneliness. Everything is perfectly peaceful.
But the evenings makes me feel uncomfortable somehow, the nagging pain in my chest and the tears burning behind my eyes. I wonder what they mean. Maybe it’s all just a trick to make me realise how peaceful this place really is. When I wake up – every feeling from the night is no longer present. That’s why I love it here…

This old house is definitely holding secrets and memories from the past. It feels like there is someone watching over us. The ones who lived here long before us.

Mobile upload.

Tears will never end, pain will never end, sorrow will never end. Why are these emotions following us like our own shadows? "you become someone in the meeting with others" ... Without these meetings, we probably would never feel half of the emotions that we have... At times like this I always wonder if it wouldn't be better to cut yourself off from the rest of the world and leave it all behind. Not to meet a single soul. Of course...... It would be awful in the long run. I wouldn't trade the people in my life for anything, they are polishing me to be the person I am. Hopefully a better person. But right now, there has been too many bad feelings together with other people, it's hard for Me to handle, to deal with it all. I realise now how young I am, how little I've experienced compared to adults around me... I don't know much about relationships between people. I look up to the people with more experience... Everyone are going on about how they don't want to get older, but I really long for it! .... I want to get older, and I want to get wiser, I want to learn what it means to be human. I guess this is just another lession. All I can do is to sit back and enjoy the show.

Furry, cuddly animals at Skansen.

Younii and I just randomly went to Skansen today. It’s like a zoo. I took some pictures that I’d like to show you all! Well, I will only upload these two today, cuz honestly i don’t feel like dealing with them right now, too tired, my head is killing me. But I’ll get back to them and upload it tomorrow hopefully. (I might as well add that I’m not skilled with computers and pictures)

Hold on or fall… damn, I fell….

Unfortunately – I wasn’t able to take any pictures. Sorreh! To climb walls like that are no good for un-experienced hands like mine.It felt like they were burning, really on fire, and my skin was damaged. It was rather due to pain than lack of strength that I had to give it up after a while.Impossible for me to keep holding on. Damn. I don’t like giving up!

I guess it’s just to practise that and the skin on my hands will become harder.
Unfortunately I don’t climb often, he he, so that will most likely not happen.

After I while we went upstairs and worked out together, and also he taught me how to do some martial arts. Yikes! It’s scary! And right now after the double work out my body hurts. I’m feeling sore…

YOSHHHH~!!! I am that good! Hoho!

Ohhhhhhh! Hey guys! I think I finally made it! I managed to take away the red markings that always appear when I write in English! Now my language will be much better as well, cuz now I’m going to be able to spot faults and spelling mistakes easier than before. Feels amazing. Don’t need that annoying red underline in every word anymore. PFFF~!!

Will go and meet my older brother in a while, right now I’m waiting for a text message from him. We’re going to go climbing! You know, climbing walls? I met him last week as well and we took a latte together at Slussen, we had a nice time. He suggested that we’d meet up today and do something. I’m glad, but a little nervous I have to admit. Even though he is my brother, I haven’t grown up with him. We have the same father but we never spent much time together as children. I feel sad that no one did something about that. I’ve always thought of myself as a single/lonely child, and basically never mentioned that I have an older brother. It doesn’t feel like I have one.
I hope we can come to build a relationship from here. I’d love to be closer to my brother than I am today. His presence always makes me a little nervous. I don’t know him very well. I don’t know his age! But yesterday was his birthday, I only know that trough FaceBook. LOL. Although I’m almost sure that he just turned 24, but he could be 25 years old… I dunno! Ahaha.

Ah, it’s about 4.30 p.m. Still I haven’t eaten any lunch. Ate breakfast at 12 but… not hungry until now. Damn, well I should take some yoghurt or something before I leave. What’s he doing? He should have messaged me by now. Ugh, I hate it when Younii and I oversleep. Sleeping too long makes my head heavy and thick. Sleeping less than you need is the perfect thing. 6 hours or less should be good. About 5 hours. You know I’ve said it before, but that’s my ideal sleeping-time. Anyway, why am I starting to talk about that now? Thick head…yeah.

I don’t want to end this entry just yet, I like writing! Especially now when the red markings are gone. Ah I’m so proud of myself~!  And at the same time I feel like an idiot… why didn’t I come up with this solution much earlier??? It’s not like it was difficult or anything! Sometimes I wonder… ahahahaha. My mind is not always the brightest.

Well… I guess I can write some more when I get back home, to tell you if I managed to kill myself while trying to climb some impossible wall. LOL. Or something like that… Gonna go eat.

Att tala med katter är en knepig sak

Ur Kefka på stranden: Men Nakata tyckte att han talade så underligt. Det var uppenbarligen ömsesidigt, katten tycktes ha stora problem att förstå honom med. Därför blev deras samtal minst sagt trevande. "Det gör mig inget, högt huvud." "Ursäkta, men Nakata förstår inte riktigt vad ni säger. Förlåt mig, men jag är inte så smart." "Alltihop är en makrill." "Försöker ni kanske säga att ni vill äta makrill?" "Nej, frambenen binds." Nakata förväntade sig aldrig att det skulle vara lätt att prata med katter.

Den här boken är tamme tusan helt underbar! 

Can’t stop reading, hungry hungry

I can now proudly say that I have become very fond of a book! Last night I searched for the book I had in mind to read but found out I’d forgotten it at the country house, what a shame, I thouht. But instead I took a book from Younii, “Kafka on the beach” by Haruki Murakami. I sat beside her in the sofa and started reading it simply because my mind was set on doing it, no matter what I was actually reading.
Surprisingly – I am now in love with it. And I plan on finishing it as soon as possible.

I read about 1 hour, and we went to bed at around 2 AM. I didn’t want to stop reading though but my eyes started to hurt and it felt like they’d swallen. Weird but they did not want to move in the end. LOL. I have been reading a little now and then today as well, and I’ve reached the stunning page number: 85. It usually takes me about a week to come that far in a book with text that’s pretty small. I don’t read very fast since I have to wear reading glasses (that I of course refuse to use). It takes a little time for me, and sometimes I mess up words and such because I believe it stands something else. LOL. That means really strange and sometimes hilarious sentences can occur. On top of that, as I said before – I am not a book-worm. It was a long time since I last enjoyed a book. Or rather…. since I took time to enjoy one.

Right now I’m starting to get a little wobbly, I have not eaten any lunch and it’s late afternoon. Neither Younii and I have been hungry enough to make some, and as a result of that I am now starving. The rice is most certainly done by now, so I should go fry it. We’re making fried rice, with curry, of course. And not to mention the eggs and the corn! Yumm…

Anyway, this entry has come to an end I think. Don’t know what to write more about this amazing “do-nothing-day”. Except for one thing! Have you seen the movie “Sweeney Todd”? We just watched it. It was… strange and somehow grose. But it was a good one andespecially since it was a musical. I’m not very fond of them actually but this one managed to reach me a little bit. And J. Depp is cool as always. ‘Nuff said.

Night night & sleep tight

My neck is absolutely trying to kill me, even though it has calmed down at the moment. Hoho tricky as I am – I have gotten myself a real damn dose of pain. You know the stiffness in the back of the head and neck. Torticollis, or whatever the name is for it in this bloody language…
Anyway, ‘nuff said about my bodily ailments! \(^~^)/ time for some serious business. LOL.

To end the day I will go ahead and try to read some in my book. It’s a good one! Sadly I seldom read nowadays… Will do now though. Goodnight and sweet dreams everyone. See you in the morning.

If we could go back in time

More pictures are here under the cut. Just click “read more”!
After you’ve looked at them all, tell me what you think [^__^]v

Peaceful

This is a mobile upload! My first entry from my phone. I have no idea.. How this is gonna turn out. I am at my country house right now, Younii and I have been sunbathing earlier today, taken a looot of beautiful pictures - as I will present to you all as soon as I have access to my laptop again. It has been so hot these days! I get all tired! But the fresh air and the nature gives me peace somehow. It was a long time since I last enjoyed nature like this.... It's been so long.... This winter. Now when summer's here I am going to embrace it with all my heart and soul. The sun, the waves, the birds, the wind that makes the grass dance... This is how we should live. My heart is calming down, slowly my soul is letting go of the stress... This is a peaceful place.

When I finally woke up

Ohayou gozaimasu. Once again I couldn’t wake up. Someone please hit me? Sleeping till 11.20 am is shameful. I’ve just been eating breakfast and refilled my batteries. Finally~!!!

Younii and I are going out taking photos today at Liljeholmens Centrum. Weirdness weirdness. MohahaHAAA! I don’t feel hyper thrilled about it, for a reason only 2 people know why, but all in all it’ll be funneh! Don’t know why in the world I made this entry. LOL. But at least I’m awake now!!

Phicture spam! Late - but as promised.

OK I am so sorry I didn’t upload pictures the other day (T^T) as usual I f o r g o t it completely…

I have time now so I’ll go ahead and do it!
Pictures will be under the cut~ Enjoy!  Oh and the pictures at the bottom are the most recent, so the lower you get the more recent they are.

. . . . . . .

Today is a day when I cannot think of anything else than how I dislike certain parts of my body. I have started to accept my body as a womans and I think I like being a woman after all. But with that comes desires of bigger breasts. I would want to be able to have B-cup. Right now I am not even filling out an A-cup………. Almost collapsed in tears today when Younii-chan bought a bikini. I don’t know why it hurts this much.

And one other thing, that’s worse than the breasts: my nose. If I was to change it with surgery I’d only change a little. That hurts the most….. that nose. Since I was little it has haunted me, annoyed me………

Fuck it.

Title………!?

Look at my new header~~!! ( ﾟ▽ﾟ) Look, look, look! Younii-chan made it for me! \(^ω^)/ She made it for meeee~!! *bounce bounce* …

Isn’t it lovely!? So warm and fuzzy, summer everywhere, with lots of colors…… and with a feeling of… GACKT!

Well I am sleepy, should do something to avoid falling asleep. Can’t mess up my training like this, where did it go? But now I have a reminder right up there *points at header* to not only dream about it – make it reality.

                                                                          Have fun

Real or dream? I can never tell. LOL.

Yet again I’m haunted by these weird and frightening dreams. Making me wake up in the middle of the night, either crying, fighting or sweating. They come almost every night now. It is almost unpleasant going to bed knowing what will most likely happen as soon as I fall asleep. I guess there’s nothing I can do about it, just to keep the knifes away and pray that Younii-chan has patience with me until it goes away. Where did those awesome dreams about Gaku-san go?

Tonight I dreamed that there were some kind of massacre at Slussen, two masked men stood in the stairs and held everyone at the platform hostage. Those who moved or tried to leave was killed by shotguns. Blood everywhere, people died in front of my eyes. Yes I was there too… It was not that frightening as you could expect it to be actually, I kept calm and talked on the phone with someone in my family. Accidentaly I was shot in the foot and was in lot of pain… then somehow I managed to get up to the barrage and was taken care of by a paramedic, I also took a picture with my iPhone, both on the scenery downstairs, and on my foot.

When I woke up I couldn’t help but to whimper and move closer to Younii-chan for comfort. Funny thing though; I actually leaned over to get my phone and show her the picture of my foot! When I grabbed it I remembered it was only a dream. It has happened before. LOL.

So yes, that was my night this time. I wonder what will happen next. Somehow I look forward to it! It’s so strange it almost becomes amusing. But right now I am actually happy that I am awake, and I do not want to sleep for many hours. We’re going out soon, finally the clouds are starting to move away letting the sun out. OH and before I forget – I’ll upload random pictures later today, yakusoku, because I’ve figured out how to cut entries, making them take less space. Look forward to thattttt! Having a really beautiful picture of Younii-chan in her new dress!
I take an awful lot of pictures thinking “this is for my blog”, but I seldom use them. Shape up!
                                                                       Pictures of Gaku is easier…!
Taking a shower now *CHU* .    

I can speak a liiittle Swedish

Vet någon hur man tar bort den super irriterande felstavningsmarkeringen som uppkommer varenda jävulusiska gång jag skriver på engelska…!? Vilket med andra ord betyder att den alltid uppkommer då jag skriver på engelska alla gånger utom denna. Detta är ett undantag. Hoho. Jag skriver som alltid med Windows Live Writer och jag har faktiskt börjat lära mig ett och annat om programmet, men det som återstår nu är väl i princip bara felstavningsmarkeringen. Tryckt på allt men ingenting fungerar. Har nån ett förslag på hur man kan göra för att åtgärda det? Jag har på känn att det har att göra med språkinställningarna… MEN HUR ÄNDRAR MAN DET!? 

Seså mina bönder, ta nu och hjälp överklassen här! Jag behöver era tjänsteeeeeeeer—!! Nåja nåja Pete. Nu ska jag ta och gå ut en sväng. Vilken tur att inte himlen släppte lös sina krafter i morse…! Det såg riktigt mörkt ut där ett tag. Nu skiner solen, I bet it’s warm!! 

Morning OM Nom Nom! ^^

It’s JUNE!!! It’s JUUUUNE everyone!!!

Hihi sitting and enjoying some Miso-soup in the morning. Aaaaaah~ delightful!
( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/I love Miso. And it is healthy too. It tastes a bit different from the soup you get at the Sushi bar, this one’s got more taste. Also it’s more colored, deeper. Yummmm~~

I am going to eat more healthily from now on. I think I need it … Been wayyyy too much muffins and sweets lately. Oh ah wait didn’t I say the exact same thing in a previous entry..? o.O Well well let’s continue eating~!

Seen this yet? Cuteeeee, ne!! Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏwwwwwww—!! Makes me wonder when the hell I am going to get my Dears Membership. It takes like 2 months to become a member, but I’ve waited like… 5 months now … NOT Okey *stern look*. Those Dears are not to be trusted, ahahaha.

 
Now gotta go take something more to eat. *Om nom nom nom*.