Emetophobia Rehab.

I stumbled over a person on the net 3 days ago.
She is a cured Emet. I asked for her help.
She said that she could only help me if I wanted to fight the phobia to 100%.
Of course I want to, so I added her to my msn-messenger, and I started to speak to her.
She gave me some really good things to work with!
Because she had also been going to CBT, she knows how to get the phobia erased.
Right now I'm working with the most simple thing, just saying the words "vomit" "feel sick" and other words I find a bit scary.

I also started my CBT yesterday.
YAY!! It feels good.

This time I won't lose.
For the first time I can truly say...
"I am ready". I am ready to fight it now.
I realize now that the reasons why I always failed before whas because I wasn't ready yet.
Yep. That's right.

Love ya.
~G2~

A reminder

I can make a promise here and now.
Next weekend (after this one) we're going to have a photoshoot, the one that Cha2 requested.
It's been postponed so many times.
I'm sorry.

Whatever happens I will have it done.

It's so damn hard to stand up and do something.
I hate myself for not working hard enough.
Y2 says I have so many other things to concern about,
just surviving as a teenager, for example.
But I don't want to give up to that thought that says I must wait until I'm mature enough to do something.
I won't live like that.
I don't want to.
'Cuz what if life ends tomorrow? And I haven't done a shit?...
I can assure you I will haunt earth as ghost full of regrets.

But I'm also too hard on myself.
Thinking I must do things that at the moment are out of my hands.
I don't like taking babysteps.
Ahahahaha~

So Solo Work is starting with full speed again,
at least next week. Work that must be done.
It's not very fun, but...
Hmmmm.....

I'm looking at the tie my friend gave me. From Camui-school.
I wonder when I can wear it... It will surely have a lot of GAKU-power!!
Ahaha~ Later in spring, I will wear it. Hai ^^

And so,

THE END of SILENCE~ continues-------!!!!!!!!!
~2010~


~G2~

Oyasumi

I feel really happy.
Like a lulzy feeling.
Happy~

It's so stupid but...
You get strange when you love someone.

Oyasumi

~G2~

Summary

Things have been a little, troublesome, lately.

I should give a short summary;

Y2 came home as planned, yosh!

The same night I got a dizzyness-attack, so I felt sick the day after.

On thursday I went to an appointment to get CBT. I had been dizzy this night too so on my way home from the subway I met Y2, and I was about to faint or something because of low blood pressure (I was hungry + dizzyness). So she had to follow me home to make sure I didn't collapse.

The weekend was... boring. Nothing happened. Except I was happy because I didn't have my dizzyness anymore~ OH on sunday I met my coach and we took a walk for 2 hours, Y2 was really chocked when I came back home because I was sooooo happy and full of energy xD Really, that was odd. Days like that should always be remembered.

Monday - Back to Solo Work!!! We had a really short day.
Tuesday was the same, we were sent home before lunch. I actually took a great opportunity to study some Hiragana (Wow~~~!!!) ^^

And this night I had a nightmare, a dream that made my phobia to race in 150.
So I didn't make it to Solo Work.
Because of a dream.
This is bad.
Shit.

And that's about it.
Ah, how I long for something interesting to happen.
But after this "I'm so sad"-day, I'm sure tomorrow will be better.
I feel a lot stronger now~

So, now I better be off to the kitchen and make dinner.

~G2~

Silly

Now I am with C-chan~
I've been with her for almost 3 hours now. Jesus how time rushes when you're busy!
In just 20 minutes I'm going to meet Nom-chan at the station ^__^
Yes, everything went well.

I feel silly.
It's embarrassing...
Eveything I've felt these past 3 days.
It really is shameful. Hai.

xD But now, done is done. Let's move forward again.
Life is good again. HAI~~~!!

God bless. LoL ^__~
G2

Final day and it snows...

Last day alone. Hopefully.
These days I've forced myself to sleep for 10-11 hours every night.
I miss her...

I'm deadly worried, today it snows.
I'm worrying the train will be cancelled.
Or anything like that...
It probably won't happen, I mean, it's just...snow.
And since it's above 0 degrees, it will melt away,
hopefully already today.

I just want to scream.
I want my Soulmate home!
Tomorrow it will be alright again, after I know she's on the train as planned.
Jesus, why can't I stop worrying?
It's like a punch in my chest everytime I think about it.
I want her home.
I want her home.
I want her home.
NOW.

*Sigh*
Today, another "do-nothing-day" .
I'll just wait for time to pass...
Okaasan is yelling at me for ruining days of my life.
Still I don't care, my life is no life worth living if she's not here.
I'm reading New moon, the Twilight series,
and I think I'm like Bella.
I recognize myself in her, at least her feelings, I mean.
I think about it everytime I read.
I'm living a life taken from a book. A fiction. Great.
No wonder no one will believe me.
My feelings.

Music can keep my mind off things, for a while...
I'll play some.

G2

P.S. I'll pray it will be OK tomorrow. God-chii will help. Right?

I believe with all my heart

Another day has begun. The pain lingers on.
I can't figure out the meaning behind this feelings.
I'm worried something will happen to my dear soulmate, that she'll get hurt or...even worse...
But there's no threat at all.
Still I feel like my chest is going to explode any minute.
I can't understand why I worry this much...
I'm worse than Okaasan.

And then I just miss her.
I miss her warmth, her skin.
I miss her laugh and how she smiles.
Still it has only been 1 whole day without her. This is number 2.
It's like I can't be without her.
Okaasan is angry with me for having such strong feelings.
She's worried I'll get hurt if Nom-chan leaves me for someone else,
or if something would happen to her.
She's right, I would get hurt. The pain I feel now being away from her for only 3 whole days is scary. I'm afraid too.
Because what will happen?
I can't endure the pain, the loss...

Nom-chan will come back on tuesday. I'll wait for her.
Somehow I'll live trough it all.
It's worse in the evenings, the longing...

I wonder why I feel this way...
It isn't normal. She'll come back very soon, I know that. I'm deeply aware.
Still... I'm broken without her. It's like I've forgot how to smile.
By this I doesn't mean I don't do anything, I'm doing things to be busy.
But even when I'm focusing on something else, the pain never leaves completely.

Is this a part of being Soulmates?
Is this the emotions eveyone talk about?
Or is it just me... Is it just me who is still a child...
Is it something wrong in my head, am I dangerously obsessed with her?
I can't let her go.

I need to know.

G2

Easter

Y2 went to her family today to celebrate easter.
It's gonna be empty here.

She's coming back on tuesday so it will only be 3 whole days alone without her.
Aaah----!! My heart is aching already... T.T

G2 is not used to be alone anymore.
This is hard, really hard...
I'm silly, hai~

I am trying to keep myself busy.
So today, me and Okaasan are going out buying two books and converse shoes! 8)))
Blue converse!! Ah, will definately take a picture if I find a pair today ^^

And later afternoon/tonight an old friend of both me and Okaasan are coming for dinner and we're gonna watch a movie. Sad though, Y2 and I are always watching movies............

Oh, and on monday I'll go and get a haircut~~~

So, off we go.

Miss ya already...I LUFF U...<333

G2