When something feels really good.

It's soon 3 A.M. and we're going to bed.
My vacation from Solo Work has begun :D

Aaah, it will be a lot of funnnn---!!

Interesting though, 'cuz we've been very loviedovie and ero ero lately~ but ahahahaha, "lately" ... "as usual" should be the correct word for it.

<3 So, goodnight~ (I should probably update more after I get some sleep)

~KOAKUMA~love
G2

~Bedtime~

Emotionsssssssss~~~ I'm full of emotions!
Maybe my heart feels it's soon spring. Even though the snow won't stop falling.

So much love~ LOVE is everywhere!...<3

I'm smiling more. I haven't spazzed in weeks... o_O... I'm smiling. I'm happy. Grumpy now and then during the day but all in all........wow~

It's a wonderful feeling when you realize, that of all people in the world... at least one of them truly loves you for who you are. Even though they know your bad sides, as well as the good sides.... Knows everything about you, but still loves you as much as ever.

I never thought someone would feel that towards me.

Love

There's a lot of snow...
I'm going out early tomorrow morning.

Well... this might sound wierd but...
I love you all~ Dear bandmates.

I really do.

~KOAKUMA~love
G2

Sty concern -__-

Goodmorning. It's about 3.30 A.M...
I have problems sleeping because I'm in pain...

Weird enough I was unlucky to get a sty in my eyelid. It's all swallen and I honestly look like I've gotten a punch...............................................-_________________________-;;

HONTOU NI ITAIIIIIII----!!!

aaah......

Why am I always waking up with some sort of problem at 3. A.M.?? Poor Y2 xD ..But ma we should try to sleep again...

Goodnight.

~KOAKUMA~love
G2

Days like this

I'm like......exploding of sadness and anger.
This shit is driving me mad!

I'm sad because I can't control myself and I always have to make myself aggressive.
And I feel such a lousy friend.

Days like this I feel like giving up.

AND... Solo work is driving me COMPLETELY out of my mind. From the start of week 13 we're going to end LATE 2 days a week. My gym-day... I will be deadly tired but oh well you shouldn't complain about being tired and there's no meaning in saying you're exhausted, right???!

Everything is just meant to make me pissed off. But yeah anywayyyyyyyy...............!!
The world is just a messy shit and I hate it all.

Go fuck someone.

!"&%¤%&/()(?)`()/(&/&%¤#"!

Before heading off...

Finally we're going to the gym today~

It was a long time since I last worked out.

I have to admit I'm nervous.
And I don't want to get too much muscle pain bacause I'm horseriding again on monday. Aaaah, but why am I constantly whining about everything? I'm afraid, yes. Something like that.

I don't want to be afraid anymore. I just want to live my life. Learn my way of life...

I'm struggling. The Oldest want me to start in therapy for my phobia... I.Dont.Want.To.
I don't want to focus more on it, it can make it worse. Every day I fight to keep the fear on a acceptable distance, some days are harder than others. I have gotten so much better by myself, but I'm afraid that it'll get worse again. The Oldest only thinks of solutions to everything, so much she doesn't even have time to sit down and really listen. But...
I will make it OK.

I will find my own solution.

And now dear ones, GACKT2 and YOU2 are off to the gym~~~!!

~KOAKUMA~love
G2

(frustrated)

I'm frustrated...
I want to sing, but since I'm mysteriously ill I can't...

I long to sing again! Please! I will do it soon, I have to.

DUH. My fever reached it's peak today, but now it's back to "no-fever" again. It's so weird. Mysterious. My troat hurt just a little... I wonder when this'll stop. Been going on like this since last saturday.

So tomorrow will also be a staying home-day and the day after tomorrow aswell. Solo Work is having a day off. Aaaaah~ But being home makes me stressed out. I want to be back and work.

What's happened to me? Ahahahaha.

Short entry this time, and not a very deep one either. Ahaha! But ey, I'll try to post only when I really have something to say. Look forward to my new deepness!!

~KOAKUMA~ love
G2

Anger, fear, fever.

A lot is going on these days..
But yet, the outside world is unchanged, unchanging..

I've had a lot to think about the past few days. There have been so much feelings inside of me that I couldn't understand, and some I knew exactly why I felt them. I have been so angry lately. Sad for various reasons. Went into the "red zone" for absolutely nothing. My self asteem ain't on top it seems..

Why do we all have to walk the same path? Face the same destiny?
Why do we all have to be like everyone else to fit in, to be accepted?

I feel like a wolf who's been forced out of the pack. Or rather.. I chose to be away from them. From the start. I don't want to fit in, I can't fit in. This society won't get me to surrender. Even though I'm on my knees sometimes, can't deny that. But what if you want to do something else?..

I will fight for my spirits freedom in this world. To the end.
We can only be the ones we were born to be, right?
I will fight.

Another thing that happened the other day was I found a website listing phobiacs. I found my phobia, and I was so happy to read about it and feel I wasn't crazy, for being so afraid of puking and sickness. It's called Emetophobia~ And I fit in on basically all the criterias. Somehow, it makes me happy. My behaiviour has a reason! But it seems no one with this phobia have been completely cured from it... but...

I will be the first one defeating it!
I know I can do it. I can see it so I can absolutely do it. It may just take some time. GANBARIMASU---!!

Ah and, also.. I have a fever. Even so, I'm going to the horseriding tomorrow. But I'm actually quite frightened, because last time I fell off the horse in high speed and hurt my back and got a big red bruise on my tigh. I'll probably have the same horse tomorrow.
I'll pray. Yes, surely. I'll pray.

Lately, I haven't been able to see trough my anger.
Lately, I haven't been able to see trough my tears.
Lately, I haven't been able to see trough my fears.

Fear, is the thing we should fear the most. It paralyzes.

Have faith.

~KOAKUMA~love
G2

boiling

I'm furious.

This shitty schedule of mine. Yet again I come to work and is left with NOTHING to do.
Also, I feel a bit ill. Getting a tiny cold I guess.. but I wouldn't consider this as being "ill" really.
More like.. in a weak-period.

This temperature-changes wasn't good for me at all, as my horoscope fortold. Exhausted.

I have a strange feeling in my body, it's not a bad feeling, or I don't know... I've felt it before, for sure. That kind of nervous feelings when spring arrives... o.o

I find it very strange that this feelings hits me this time of the year.
Or...
Is spring soon here? Is it because the sun is shining for once? The birds has already started their spring-songs. Aren't they early? A sign, maybe?

It's snow everywhere... It is snowing now and then. Winter seems to stay forever this year.
It's been a long time since we had such a winter in Sweden. We should enjoy it~

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.................
Bwahaha~ I'm mostly writing to kill some time.
"it's only time, it will pass by"

Tonight when I come home I can look forward to a great meal of Sushi~!! :'D YAYAYAY!!
AAAH....I'm hungry.

Gotta go I guess.


~KOAKUMA~ love

Working and learning!

The current header freaks me out!!!

Gotta get rid of it as soon as possible.
I'm working on the header for this new blog-look. It's kinda hard. I don't really know how to handle GIMP..

My YOU2 is very handy in situations like this.
Ahahaha~

..But of course, everything you practise, you get better at, right?
She's been trixing around with that program far more than I have. No wonder she's good, ne?
Funny how you can create the most amazing images with just a little bit of knowledge.

I'm amazed.

Reminds me of a dream of mine, that sometime learn how to animate realistic animals.
Like the ones in Narnia, for example.. would be fantastic!

I'm going to learn it.

Hrm hrm.. This is really hard for me..but..
Since I'm not very talanted at all on enything, and tend to lose every game I'm participating in and so on, I have tendencys to be very mean to myself and hurt myself with my thoughts. This matter makes me feel extremely lousy and a real butter finger, but I'm awere I have to change that.

Is it too typical of me to shout "I have to work harder to accomplish that!" ?
It probably is, ahaha~

However, I truly feel I have a greater mission in this life than just live life like everyone else.
To be someone else, to become someone else, won't we have to struggle harder?

To take the first step requires a hell lot of courage. The will to change, to make the dreams come true, instead of only dreaming them.
Bacause that is what dreams are all about.

This, my friends, was an entry from a very sleepy KOAKUMA...

Sweet ~dreams~

Satan love
G2

Solo Work dizzyness

Aaah~
Solo Work..

1 more hour before I can go home to dear Y2..
I'm hungry...
So hungry...

I can truly feel I haven't been eating anything for lunch. I always do this time of the day, it's the worst.
When you feel the weakness, the dizzyness.......

Demo... 1 hour left.
Ganbarimasu---!!! I'm used to it. Yes.

Satan love
G2

P.S. Until another dream of mine comes true, together with Y2, I'll take my chanse and go buy a big chocolate cake for both of us~ ~ ~
Bad me, ne?

uh, where have I been?

Maaaa, I'm baaaack----!!

So I have been away for a while.. or, constantly here but still..
Not much to update about lately.
Maa, another lie.. Plenty to update about, but I'm going to be honest with ya, I was lazy.

And I guess I'm not feeling very well these days.
My mind is constantly making my life a mess, even though Y2 lives here now and all and I'm happy happy happy about that~

Besides, today I could ay out loud "Hey! I'm eating 1 meal a day..!"
Hilarious, isn't it?

No wonder I get exhausted. Mostly mentally though.

Also, new look on the blog, YAY!! 8)
I missed that~ It's gonna be fuuuuun updating again!

I must go to bed soon, gotta make some tea before that, relax a little.
Jesus....................
Test tomorrow, am I prepared? Maaaa.......not thaaat much.. but oh well.

Maybe tomorrow?
Maybe tomorrow?
Maybe tomorrow?...

Maybe tomorrow I will be alright.

Oyasumi nasai~

Satan love
G2

P.S. It's good to be back~ ;)