today..

We’re going out to rent a movie and to buy some food..
Y2 is making the dinner today~!   
And I’m going to … help her xD;; the best I can.

G2 is getting tired, by nothing, now it’s Y2 who’s the “up and go” …….o.o;; just.. what happened??..
I’m dead before 12 p.m. these days, WHY??……>_<;
gahgahgahgah.. ahaha~

Oooh, yeaterday we did the coolest/cutest pumpkin ever~! XD (picutre tomorrow).. Gosh, how I love pumpkins.. and we named him PumpkinG .. xD

maa, now I’m off to daz shower.. ^^;;; dirty

Happy birthday to ME~!!

But ohohoho weeeell~
I forgot to update while it was still my birthday, it’s over 12 o’clock at night now but.. damn!
So it’ll stand ‘october’ 29 on this update..   when my birthday is october 28
Anywhooo~

This is meeeee~ the birthdayKID~ 17 ~

 
One more year, then I’ll release HELL..!! 18 Mohahaahaaaaa~
strange enough I woke up exact at 8 a.m. as we’d planned for today.. o.O;
I guess I wanted to see my presents! xD
I’ll take piccies of my stuff tomorrrow, I got 2 things ^^b (more coming on sunday)

G-chan and her boyfriend came over and Nom-chan and I had been up baking cupcakes for hours  ..
They were so much fun to do.. erhm.. and I did not lose my temper.. XD;;;; But luckilly I had You2 there to calm me dooown~   God Bless

It took some time, but here we got the results:
 
they look yummy, ne??.. we did them all by ourselves (^__^)b
Jesus, they tasted good.. ahaha.. 

This birthday was a good one, but a bit ddifferent than my other 16 ones.. usually we have a party this day, but now we’re having it on sunday instead.. so I thought it was a bit empty, and strange no one called until evening, because they all work, and I’m on vacation.. xP
AND.. my dear You2 was here, she’s never been with me on my birthdays before (even though this was my secound one since I got to know her) .. x) It was very enjoyable ( ^_^)

…..and and and you know what she bought me for birthday present??…..
She was very tricky, I must say xD


The latest issue of B=pass mag. with GACKT..
and it comes with two deadly beautiful posters……………
Me veeeery excited about the mag~     Hontou ni arigatou~  

*huggles cuddles cuddles cuddles CHU kisu kisu* (^u^ )

Now it’s probably bed time..
If there’s somthing I’ve missed in uploading, I’ll take it in a new post later, wfter we’ve slept.. ^^;
 
Nemui now..
Oyasumi minna-san~

Satan love
G2

countdown

It’s countdown to my birthday~ xD
15 more minutes to go then I’m 17~!!

And ohh I think I’m born somewhere around 12 o’clock at night XD yayayay~~

*counting down*.. but even so, it’s soon bed time ^^;

Satan love
G2

strange, fun, weird..

Moheee~
Life is good, hai!

It’s strange, when I woke up this morning, I thought “ah, it’s my birthday tomorrow..!” and my first reaction was I got frustrated xD damndamndamndamn, it feels… something… I dunno. I want to but at the same time.. shit! Nom-chan’s here, and I’m getting 17……… (ohoho Jesus I’m a kid… –_-;) So today I am STILL 16???!! Jesus… 

Nom-chan and I are getting ready to get out, to get a pumkin, cuz it’s halloween, and return some movies in town. As usual we’re out late..
We’re stupid, hai!

Oh, this song just went trough my head “this is halloween, this is halloween” from the movie which name I can’t recall.. xD
I love my birthday is on halloween~ 

But now we’re off, I’m just gonna get a shower.
So you guys be good, and celebrate~~~ ^__^
trick or treat~!

Satan love
G2

Night at peace

Nom-chan is here..
It’s bedtime..
We’re tired..

And, we’re happy~

So my soul is at peace and my mind too, so hopefully I can sleep well tonight.
Oyasumi nasai~

Satan love
G2    

something new

Ok guys I’m going to do something new~!
This entry is going to be in… SWEDISH!!!
Ahahaha~ Cuz it’s my language.

Så idag, jag vaknade, man skulle ju ställa om klockorna till vintertid och allt, så jag blev ganska pissed off när jag gick upp och såg att klockan var 10 fast den bara var 9.
Jag önskar att jag kunde sova bort hela dagen…
Allvarligt, min kropp har blivit galen av för mycket sömn, Gacktar ska tydligen inte sova för mycket… –___-; Då blir vi tokiga. 

Men iallafall, så jag gick upp åt frukost och sen ringde jag Nom-chan och kollade läget, och jag är fortfarande grymt nervös att det ska bli nåt problem med tåget hon ska ta, men det tror jag inte. Det här med vintertid och så, kollade avgångarna igår.
Jag tror jag kommer vara sur/orolig tills jag ringer efter 12 och hon verkligen kommit iväg… Nåja nåja.. Dewa dewa..
Jag saknar henne…*kisu*

Jag tänkte först att som lämpligt “straff” för igår, är att jag inte ska möta henne när hon kommer, att hon får ta sig hem till mig själv, för hon hittar.. men alltså, jag vet inte nu, för det är sista gången vi kan ses på typ 2 månader, och det är roligt att se henne vid stationen. Så jag vet verkligen inte, I really dunno…

Jag tror att jag möter henne trots allt. She’s my girl after all.
Men nu ska jag bara försöka fördriva tiden tills hon har kommit iväg, och sen ska jag nog göra lite läxor, kolla igenom några saker. Jag avskyr skolarbete.
Oh and you know what?… I morgon ska jag ha ett möte på Solo Work, bara för att jag var sjuk i torsdags när jag egentligen skulle haft det.. fan på dem, det är ju lov! 
Dewa..

Nej nu ska jag gå och se på film eller nåt, uthärda en timme till. Sen jobba lite.
Konstigt att skriva på svenska…
Det ska inte bli någon vana, yakusoku.

So now I’m off, I don’t enjoy writing in swedish, but it goes WAY faster than english typing for me… Anywho. 
C-ya

S 

hmm

I’ve been thinking,

Maybe it isn’t fun? And oh, I’m just a big fat problem~~!!

After this terrible day, I feel beaten up. And yes I’m bleeding.
AND I WANT TO FUCKING HIT SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY~~!!!!!


…….

problems

Nom-chan didn’t make it here today…
Resons I’m to tired to write down, and shouldn’t write down…

All I feel is emptyness, and I can’t stop crying…
She would’ve been here now~
I miss her…

She’ll come tomorrow instead, but late.
But I’m still… just heartbroken.

But I’ll keep smiling~
….

oyasumi~love

So when you see this love, hopefully tonight…
Oyasumi nasai~ sleep tight, dream beautifully, and you’ll be with me soon~

IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou

*huggles and kisus*

Satan looove
G2

meeting

Well this day was all about the meeting.

I washed my hair, put on some clothes and begun to walk to where we’d meet.
It felt strange walking that way again, some years ago I was in a girl-group called “united sisters”, which I still think is a very good organisation, we’d meet once a week, some girls in about the same age with our group leaders, and talk, play games, or go to the cinema. Whatever we wanted.

I have not been in such a group in a couple of years now, but I know that place well. No problems finding the way~

When I came there I got very nervous, not because of the meeting, but the atmosphere. The place was overcrowded by people with styles that I had when I was in 6th grade in school, and those kind of people I used to hang out with.
They called back memories and feelings from that time.. and I both like them, and dislike them.

I was a bit early so I asked for the person I was going to meet at the reception, and the receptionist made a phone call and then came back to me and said she was on her way down to pick me up.

I didn’t know what she looked like so I just let my eyes walk around in the crowd, looking for someone to spot me.
Suddenly I saw a woman walking towards me, and she had this gothic like style, and had a card around her neck that showed she worked here, and I thought “Not her not her not her…”  And no, it wasn’t her. Ahaha~

I kept waiting, wondering how long it would take her to come down from wherever she was, and I remembered this house was smocked with rooms and training halls, secret paths for the staff and all that. So maybe it wasn’t weird it took some time.

Then a woman appeared in front of me, she looked at me and said my name, and I nodded. So we shook hands, and she asked me if I wanted something to eat, but I didn’t.. So we went up in an elevator and in to United-sisters office.

In the office, there was this absolutely tiiiiny room, lit up with some really strong lights, that hurt my eyes terribly, with one table and two chairs.
The doors was all in glass, and looking at it from both outside and inside, it was just like one of those rooms where the police is questioning people. I couldn’t help but smile x)

We sat down and I had to fill in some papers, and then she asked questions about my childhood, my interests, and why I’d taken contact with her and the organisation again, and so on.
I liked her, she had a nice smile and cool clothes, with short hair (which reminded me I have to do something about my hair, cuz it’s getting looong~).. and she laughed a lot. It felt very good to be back with U-S again, made me feel like home. I trust them.

We spoke for an hour, and decided when to meet again, and then I was shown downstairs again. We said goodbye and I walked home.

Jesus how fast it went to walk home, and I was very hungry.

But all in all, this day was about this meeting, since I’ve not done anthing else today. And it was a good day.
It’s dark outside, and I’m eating dinner. My stomach hurt a little, and so does my head, but maaaaa~ my fever seem better.

And ahaha~ this entry was kinda long, but oh well.
Soon me and the Oldest are going to watch a movie, a police movie~~ wiiie~~
And in less than 24 hours I’ll have my sweetie in my arms again *joy*
Satan love
G2

ohayou~

God morgon~
Good morning~

I slept for almost 11 hours. Jesus.
I’m still a bit sleepy.

I was about to fall asleep again when I noticed what time it was, and my eyes went wide open and I rushed out of bed.
I have a meeting in 3 hours. Wich means I have to be ready to leave in 2 hours. And I like to have at least about 2 hours on me to wake up first..

Yesterday was strange, I had no fever at all until 7 p.m. when it went up to 37.6 degrees, and I had to sit with something cold against my forehead.
But when I spoke to Nom-chan over the phone, I suddenly felt much better, so I took my temp again, and oh well… my fever had dissapeared.

I have to say I wonder what’s going on in my body.
When I came up from bed just now I told the Oldest about it, and she laughed and said it must surely be a logical reason for all this. That maybe my temp is going up and down dependance on how my state of mind is sometimes.
I think I agree.
Somethimes I think it’s because I’m so tired, that my body freaks out after a while, and gives me fever. And I don’t have any other symphtoms. 
This is not the first time..
But I’ll ask a doctor soon~

I have just finished breakfast, and I should take a shower or at least wash my hair. I look terrible.. ahaha~
To the meeting I’m going to, there’s two ways of getting there, one is by train, and one is by walking, I thik I’ll do the last mentioned.
It’s grey and all outside, but I could need some fresh air.

And tomorrow my darling returns! *smiling*
She’s coming back to where she’s suposed to be -next to me.
And then I’ll be at peace again.
So this entry might be one of the last ones in a while, cuz I don’t update every day with Nom-chan here..

Anywho,
Have a nice day everyone~ smile on today~

Satan love
G2

thoughts

It’s getting dark outside, and it has been raining from this grey clouds all day.
I’m feeling so sad… or, I don’t know if it’s sadness, I might just be thoughtfull..
Life..

I would like to walk up the hill I live next to, and just glance down at my city. I don’t care if I’m ill or not anymore. I don’t have a fever anyway. But still so tired..

I just want to go trough as much as possible, cuz before I die, I want to write a book. About my life, I guess..
Not cuz it’s anything special, but maybe can be?
I don’t want to sit here all my life, waiting for something to happen, and I don’t want to fit in to the world I’m living in, because the thought of it makes me go crazy.
I just have to do something with my life… I refuse to end up like everyone else. Normal jobs, normal boring lifes.

Screw you, I’m gonna change something!
Those who wants to do the same, please, don’t just sit on your asses, move forward, do something!!   And don’t you dare give up, I wont.

Ganbatteimasu~

Satan love
G2

today is also a h-day

Because I am Home today.

Goh it was coooold tonight, and I dreamed my cat got kittens and we suddenly had 9 cats in the house…. yayay   

So now my vacation’s started, because we’re off from work tomorrow.
And my Nom will come, not tomorrow, but the day after that~ :’D yay! Me really happy 

Anywho. I don’t feel so bad right now, somethings a bit wrong in my body but maa, I doubth I get more fever today. It went up yesterday.
I’ll be fine soon, I’m on a good mood at least ^__^b

Ja ne~
<3
Satan love
G2

there was a person…..

Who loved another person…
So much and so strong, that she could give up her life for the one she loved…a love you impossibly can understand before you truly experience it yourself…
But still that person, behaived like an asshole.

And yes, that person is me.

I can’t recall how many times it has happened, or how many times I’ve said to myself I’ll stop, but then kept on going..
I can’t recall how many times I’ve cried “I’m sorry”, or how many times I’ve hated myself to death..

Because what I do, is unforgivable.

There’s just one person in the entire world I care and love this much.
I mention her in every entry I write, 
and my mind is constantly thinking about her..
Whatever I do, wherever I am, whatever time it is.

I’ve never felt a love this deep for another being before, and no one has ever given me such joy in my heart and soul as this person.
Still… I can’t stop.

The things I do.. I don’t think - I react.
It comes like a ball of lightening from a clear blue sky,  and it destroys its surroundings like fire burns everything to ashes..

But still.. in the ashes, there is a flower. The fire has not yet defeated it.
That one flower, is so irreplaceable to me.

I am the fire, and she is the flower.

I’m afraid. 
I don’t want to be the fire. “Then don’t be!” .. I try, but i fail. I try again.. I fail.. I want to be like the water. The water that makes my flower grow stronger and more beautiful…;__;… but I am the fire.

I don’t know if I can make it, not now.. 

When she’s gone, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to enjoy life without her. Since I met her, I’ve changed.
Even if I’m alone for an hour, two hours.. I completely lose it. Suddenly it feels so impossible for me to know and want to do anything at all.
She’s my drug…
I need her close every secound of every day.
But as things are now, in both of our lives, I can’t..

Darling….

I don’t know how this year is going to be,
and I don’t know what we’re going to do, how things will turn out..
But can you trust me when I say my heart belongs to you?…

I’ve reached a point, where I must..……
I’ve made up my mind about one thing, and missunderstand me right, 
If I have to, I’ll let you go..
If you’re better off without me, I won’t argue against you.
I think you know I’ll always love you.
Whatever happens. Every secound of every day, I’ll love you. That’s just the way it is. 

I’m no where near perfect, and I wish I wasn’t an asshole.
But I’ll mature somehow, in time. 
Someday, I’ll be the water..

Please, don’t think I’m silly, by writing all this nonsense, but I don’t know what else to do.
When I’ve been the fire, after two-tree minutes after, when I look back at what I’ve done, I regret it so much, you don’t know how much my soul is aching.. and I always say to myself "..why in the world did I say that..?? What the heck am I doing! I’m destroying the only one that really matters to me…!” ..
I’m all confused.

So honey…

I love you, and I might not be there for you the way I’m suposed to,
but I’ll never leave you. As long as you want me around. 

Yours forever
A

some sort of spirit

Well I’m home again from work …
But I have to get back in about 5 hours for a meeting. Fuck.

I still have this headache, it wont wont wont go awaaaay~ So I guess I’ll take a painkiller soon again.
Grrrrrr… the vacation is just days away and Nom comes and all, I can’t walk around with a FEVER!!……
We had so much and yet nothing planned next week, that I refuse to miss, and even if I’ll have this fever, I am going to forget about it and pretend I’m all fit for fight!
Cuz screw you fever, you’re going down~~~!!
And G2 will exercise all week even though my body complains in more than one way………..   ohohoh, and it surely will……

But for now, I’ll do my best to get well till saturday. I’ll rest. I’ll drink plenty of water. And on friday I might take a nap or something, and sleep for many hours. And when I don’t sleep, I’ll drink water. Hai.
I’ll be well soon.

Satan love
yeah, fine then… G2

h as in..

Headache.
moheeeee, it’s moring, i dreamed really weird AGAIN and I feel ill.. ahaha~
But I guess I’m going to work anyway. Taking my temp soon.

Jesus christ I dreamed I was with Nom-chan and suddenly her dad was around, as a ghost, hai, and he could send us messages trough Nom’s mobile phone, like an sms. xD it was…weird… but I didn’t get scared this time.

Anywhooooo~ 
It’s….wednesday….
She’ll come on saturday, so,  2 days left for me to be alone then. But I dislike to be alone these days x)

Maa, ja ne~

Satan love
G2

fever

Maa, I have a tiny fever
And I have PMS…

Sometimes I can get a fever when my period is closing in but… maa, I dunno. >_>;
It’s just a cold I think. My troat is a bit slimey..ugh, and I’ve been couching a little for some days now.

But I miss my NomNomNomNom~ and it will be lovely to have a whole week off with her

Anywho…
I’m going to make some tea

Satan love

hoho~haha

Noooom-chan dear, lookie here~ xD

´
(just ignore the grapes...or, maybe thay would be fun to have too? xD) but you know what I mean by looking at this picture … xDDD

Satan love

still…

Nom believed I would be back to normal this morning, because stuff like this usually blows over in a day or so.
But I’m still submissive…….

Not cuz I long for my normal self to come back, but I dearly hope I’ve learned my lession from this.
I was wondering if I’m reaaally the leader type. I wonder…Am I?
sometimes it feels like I don’t fit in for the role, but mostly I just take the role because no one else does it. But if someone more dominant than me does it, when I feel they’re strong, I step away. There’s no need to fight me down from the trone.

But even if I am the leader, then I don’t think I’m doing it the right way.
I should be thinking more about the ones that follows than myself… I know I was a lonely wolf before, and maybe still am. But now I have this tiny pack, which I’m obviously some kind of leader for. Maybe I must start acting like one.
And I love my packt, it’s my family.

I’m kinda happy my normal self ain’t back yet, because then i believe it’s more likely that I learn from this.
I’m terrified I won’t learn…
I don’t want to attack anyone, especially not Nom-chan, like that again.

But I guess…I was afraid.
But as the sensei’s say in Solo work
“It’s ok to make mistakes, if you learn from them”

Goodmorning by the way~   *huggles and kisus*

Satan love
..the chihuauha.. 

I am….

This morning Nom and I had a …uhm… “serious” talk.
I was, in my opinion, very mean to her, and I’ve felt bad about it all day long. Even though she said it’s ok now….

I am… for the first time, not the “Boss” around here.
I feel so bad about what I did I’m no longer the leader, and I’ve been crawling on the floor with my tail between my legs.
I’m totally submissive and she is the pack leader to me now.

She’s not used to be all in command, so she’s very confused about it, and tries to get me up again, but I can’t… I can’t do anything that leads attention to me or makes me in a more leading position. As I usually am.

When we spoke on the phone I talked with a low voice, and mostly just made some tiny sounds and tried not to be noticed.
It’s soooo strange… just look at this…

This is the person I’m “named” after…..I’m “Gackt2”….
He’s way to cool for me. It just screams “DOMINANT LEADER” about this guy.. and until today I was too…
Now I’m just afraid….

Nom should be happy, for once she’s in control of Satan2……I do anything, cuz I completely surrender….
I found myself sitting and sweating and shaking before…
As they say about dogs “when they shake, the brain doesn’t know what to do. They can’t behaive like they’re used to so their shaking to get energy out”      I’m JUST like that…..
Jesus…..

Satan love
…someone… 

last week

 It’s the last week in Solo work, Solo solo… it’s the last week in Solo work , o di do da dey~   

Morning was….uhm….
I took every chanse I had to get angry about something, and I ended up lying in bed kicking hysterically with my legs. Satan2 does have some aggressive problems, hai o_o

Finally, and funny, Nom and I have made up our minds on what we hate about each other:
She thinks the worst thing about me is my constant aggressive behaivour and my desire for always hit or throw something.. (I demolished my room yesterday night) and I have actually been about to hit her, not really on purpose, but.. and I always get angry about stuff that CAN happen but doesn’t NEED to happen……. hoho, yeah, I am like that ^^;

And the worst thing about her is her period. It’s always making problems, it can be weeks late, and always seem to appear when she’s going to me(!!!korosu!!!) or she’ll feel very bad, and can’t do anything except stand in the bathroom if she’d womit or hold a pillow close to that area all day. But oh well I wouldn’t get angry on it, because it’s a normal thing, but because we can’t be with each other ofthen I want it to be as nice as possible, so I get upset. maaaa….

But we love each other in the end <3

Ahaha~ well then, I’m off to work
Satan love
G2

Jesus

Okok so this day was reaaaally upside down and I just dunno what… My Boss and I couldn’t stop arguing and fighting, all day long!
We went on for ages, abut absolutely anything. Mostly because I was a bit pissed off when I woke up, and she got mad because I was mad.
Hontou…………

I don’t think I’ve been fighting this much in a long time with the Boss. Constantly. All day.           ……I’m tired now……

Anywho, at 4 p.m. we went out for dinner with our friends. 
We ate at an indian restaurant and we all had a good time ^_^b
Later we followed them home and ate some ice cream 

I’m sleepy…
I should go to bed soon, but still… I can’t sleep just yet….
Goodnight everyone, sweet dreams~

Satan love
G2

tired..hontou hontou..

Maaa, morning minna-san~  
Nemuiiiiii~

Gosh I just want  to continue sleeping, but my body woke up and now it was impossible to stay in bed. My body is weird when it comes to sleeping.

Today I’m going to meet up a friend for dinner, we’re eating Indian or Thai food, I guess ^^b I would like to visit a real japanese restaurant sometime, eat something other than Sushi for once

I don’t know what to do today, just we have quite a lot to do in solo work now this week for different presentations and such, and I’m a bit stressed out about it……. demo……. it’s okay.

As usual I long for Nom-chan  
Seeing her in less then a week. Next saturday! :’)
I can say I’m kinda happy, but if she’s around it would be so so so much better. Cuz then I’m at total peace in my heart and soul.   She’s the only one that makes my life completely happy.
I’ll wait for her, hai.

I will exercise a little soon. I just have to wake up for real….-___-;; xD
Dewa dewa…
Ja ne~

Sata love
G2  

note

Just a note I come to think of
Yesterday at the cinema, one of my coleagues said to me “you look fresh! … your skin looks very nice. You’re glowing!”  
Mohahaaaaa, you see…! >xDD now people starts to think I’m glowing!
That’s just like a true GACKT2 then…xD

Satan love
G2

clothes

Ahahaha~  

But I was out shopping today and when i came home I took pictures on some of it

This one was quite cool ^^ comfie… We wandered around for a while, and my back started to hurt as usual when I go shopping. But it’s much nicer to go in stores with the Boss these days, no arguing

Red and comfortable ^__^
And now till the finale~!
  it reminds of the Cyborg outfit GACKT wears in Ghost, ne? xP That’s why I bought it. It’s cute and warm. And of course, I love the robot theme~    eheheheheheheeheehehehe

Anywho…..
oh yeah and I went back to my Rock-style a bit, when I found this:

I love it ^^!!

well then, Ja ne~
Back to training~~~~~~ :’DD

Satan love
G2